Marriage: Love, Parents, and Family

My last blog of the semester! I can’t believe it, the end of the semester is here. It’s been a long, challenging semester. Everything is finally coming together in all my classes, unfortunately they are all coming together all at once, which can be a good and bad thing. I’m glad everything has come together though. Everything has also come together in my family class, which brings me to the topic we’ve discussed for the last two days.

   

  In class we discussed, marriage, divorce, remarriage, and the different types of families that can come out of those situations. I’ve decided to focus on the lighter side of all of this. My focus is on the love these families have for each other, and the love parents have for each other as well. The different types of families we discussed were: step families, adopted/foster families, half sibling, and blended families. All of these family dynamics are unique in their own way, and they all come with their own set of challenges. However, each share commonalities too. Research has shown some ways to make these family transitions easier is to one, understand that it takes a minimum of two years for the new families to reach a sense of normalcy. Two, all the heavy discipline should be handled by the birth parent. Third, step parents should be the equivalent of a great aunt or uncle. Finally, spouses should never undermine each other’s authority.

   

    The family is the most important unit in society. Children get comfortable in the family they have, sadly when the family changes due to circumstances they can’t control things change. When a step parent, or caregiver who is not the normal person in charge comes into a child’s life, challenges will happen. It is important to remember not to get discouraged because things are not working out as quickly as you two (the parents) would like. Children, and teens need time to process what has happened in their life, and will take up to two years to reach a sense of normalcy.

   

     Parents have the responsibly to love each other first, before their children. What this means is parents should build a connection between themselves before they build one with their kids. If parents build their whole lives around their kids, what is going to happen when those kids move out? Parents need to have time to themselves to connect and rely on each other. There is great symbolism in the marriage ceremony. The father is giving his daughter away to her new spouse saying “I’m giving my daughter away to you. Now you two will be dependent on each other.” In the Bible in Genesis we read “therefore shall a man leave his mother and father and cleave unto his wife.” This means that from the moment two people are married they rely and depend on each other more than anyone else.

    

   When we are young we depend on our parents. As kids grow up into young adults they start to become independent. When we get married we become interdependent with our spouse. What does being interdependent mean? It means trusting and leaning on each other. We all have to leave our parents eventually.

   

   We also talked about outside sources, how they can break a marriage. When there are problems in the marriage we all want to talk to someone about it. While talking about what’s going on is not necessarily a bad thing it can break a marriage.  An example of this is when a women complains to the survey asked her girlfriends or mother about her husband. When a woman goes and talks to them about her issues instead of her husband it causes strain, and contention among the two until the couple becomes divorced emotional from the marriage or physically. A survey asked a handful of women how many supports do they have in their life? How many do they go to for everything? The answer? Five. When the survey asked the men the same question their answer: One, their wives. Parents unto your spouses, become interdependent on each other. Trust each other. Love each other first and then your children. Your kids will always love you, but they won’t be in the house forever. What will you do then? 

Parenting

   The semester is almost over. I can’t believe how fast it has gone. I guess it’s true what people say about time goes by faster the older you get. I only have five more family classes before I move on to next semester. This week in class we talked about parenting. We specially talked about different types of parenting.

   

   We focused on the three types: Autocratic, Permissive, and active. An Autocratic parent is one who is very strict with their child. They have expect their child to obey them in everything, because they are the parent and they know best. These parents rule with an iron fist. A permissive parent is one who is too relaxed when it comes to parenting. They don’t have any rules and are often under the child’s control. The active parent is a healthy mix of both. They are active in their child’s life without controlling them, but have a fair amount of control so the child can feel safe in coming to them with any problems.

   

   Each of these parenting styles do have their own challenges. When a child is too autocratic, controlling and strict their child is more likely to rebel and act out to feel a sense of freedom from mom and dad’s rules. When a parent is too permissive the child is likely to take life threatening risks because they feel their parents don’t care enough about them to stop them. They adopt the attitude of “my parents let me do whatever I want because they are cool with anything.” This can and will get the child in trouble when they are younger and as they grow into teenagers and young adults. Active parenting is the one of the best styles of parenting. It combines the strict with the freedom. The challenge comes when trying to balance the two.

   

   In class we talked about the problem solving model. When your child misbehaves or does not follow a rule you can apply the model. The first question you ask yourself is whose problem is it, the child or parent. An example used is when you, the parent let your child borrow the car and they return it with no gas. Whose problem is it? Ask yourself who is it hurting? In this case it would be you the parent. Once that is identified, make a polite request to your child to fill up the tank next time they use it, remember tone of voice is everything. If the problem continues use what is called an “I” message saying “I don’t appreciate when you don’t fill up the tank after using the car.” The next step is to use a firmer tone of voice. If these first three steps don’t help move to logical consequences.

   

   When trying to come up with logical consequences talk about what would be an appropriate consequence with your child, so they can think about it and come up with their own ideas. Talk about the consequences beforehand. Help your child make choices together. These choices are called if/then, when/then. These options can be used with the car example. “If you don’t fill up the car then no car for three days. One way to use the when/then example is when you do then this will happen.  Logically connect the consequence to the action. Remember to be firm and fair with the consequence you and your child agreed on. It is equally important to follow through with the consequence you and your child agreed on. The last step is to give your child a second chance, after all they are who they are and will make mistakes. As long as they truly learn from them, a second chance is always an option.

   

   The last thing we talked about is the responsibility of the parents to meet the child’s needs.  Besides the basic needs, an extremely important need for children is the need of contact.  When a child has contact with their parents they develop a sense of belonging, and a sense of knowing they are wanted. There a different kinds of human contact, a simple touch, looking them in the eye, or hug. We all have the need and want to belong. When we belong to something or feel wanted it gives us power. We have power over ourselves because we know who we are. Once we know who we are we can make decisions that will make us happy and those around us happy.

Family life

    “Throughout history, in every culture, whether in poverty or prosperity, there has been the ever-present need to shelter, clothe, feed, and care for each other.” I love this quote because it is true, and will always remain true. This week due to Thanksgiving I only had my family class once this week, but I stilled learned a ton. This week we discussed family life, specifically, how it has changed over time.

   

   The family is the fundamental basis in our lives. In the family we learn how to live, take care of ourselves and others, and how to cooperate with others. In the family we learn how to love, serve, and teach others. We learn these skills as children from our parents. Our parents are our best teachers.

   

   Since the beginning of time husband and wife have worked together, side by side to make a living for each other and later their children. When one pictures a typical working family in history the picture of dad working in the fields, and mom working in the kitchen comes to mind, while the children worked with the parents. This picture is not completely true, in fact this idea of dad gone working and mom at home doing the house work is a fairly recent development. Husband and wife would work together in the fields alongside their children. This dynamic built family ties.

    

   Studies have shown boys and girls communicate differently, well we all knew that, but how differently? Young women and mothers are more apt to talk things out amongst each other while doing things. An example of this could be women are more likely to talk things out while in a group cooking, sewing, or just in a group enjoying each other’s company. Men are more likely to talk about things while working shoulder to shoulder. This means they will talk while doing physical labor. While doing the labor it gives the men a chance to think before they speak.

   

    Over time the family stopped working side by side. As the 19^th and 20^th century came into view men started working away from home leaving the women to work the house. As the men left the children became deprived of the bonding working side by side with dad created. This in turn did not prepare their children for the work load at home. I believe it also left them not being able to express their problems as well. As fathers went off to work, children took up the work at home. This changed family life as well. As dad went away for work he slowly becomes a stranger in his own house.

    

   In the family the work the family does together helps to teach roles. Parents help develop leadership skills in their children. They also help develop helping roles and skills. Work does not have to be boring, or horrible. It can build a child’s sense of accomplishment. An example used in class was a garden. A student has her three children and husband help plant flowers in their garden. She understands and helps her children understand that the garden will take time and a lot of hard work, but when all is said and done she shows her three children what they made happen because of their hard work. They made the flowers grow. This to me is a great example because it shows the good and sense of accomplishment that can come from doing work.

   

   “Family identity is built moment by moment amidst the talking and teasing, the singing and storytelling, and even the quarreling and anguish that may attend such work sessions.” We are on this earth to accomplish many things in our lives. We cannot do it with our families, and through our own hard work. Parents teach your children the value of hard work. Help your children in that work. You will grow closer to your children this way than by any other way. Your children will have great memories of you teaching them to do something that will help them later in life. They will talk to you about what’s going on in their lives. 

Communication

    “Communication is key.” This is a sentence often used by couples and the human race in general. This is true, but it is not the only truth. It is true that communication plays a giant role in any relationship, be it between parent, and child, siblings, significant others, and spouses but it is not the only factor in a successful relationship.

   

   What does the word influence mean? According to the dictionary one definition of influence is the action or process of producing effects on the actions, behavior, and opinions of another or others. The influence of others affects our daily lives. I know for me my mother’s influence played a huge role in how I acted, behaved, or said to others. Parents hope all the time that they are a good influence on their kids. How does one become a good influencer? Communication. There are different forms of communication. My mother always used the example of pen pals or when people met each other at formal dances. She would always say if there was a spark between the two dance partners they would write each other and talk to each other through letters. Writing is one form of communication, but we don’t really write letters anymore.

  

   The most beneficial way of communicating in my opinion is face to face. When we have face to face talks it is easier to make plans, or explain things better. However, face to face conversations do have their own problems. One thing I did not know is when it comes to relaying a message to someone even face to face there can be misunderstandings. This is because when one person is relaying their message across to the other person only 14% of the message is heard using actual words, 35% of the message is heard by the tone of voice used, which leaves 51% of the message to be left to nonverbal communication.

   

    I think this is really interesting. A person only hears 14% of the words the other person is saying when they’re trying to communicate, that is not very much. The tone of voice someone uses counts for 35% of the total effectiveness of the message. Tone of voice played a giant role in my house as I was going up, it still does. Whenever I tried to talk to my mom if I became too upset or agitated because she was not understanding me she would put me in check by checking my tone of voice. Why is tone of voice so important when talking to others and trying to get a point across? When a couple explains things and talks in a reasonable tone they are more likely to listen to each other. When the couple start to raise their voices they start to become angry. When they are angry the message gets lost in the anger, hurtful things are said that can cause farther problems.

    It is important to know that when a person is angry 1/3 of the brain shuts down. The part of your brain that shuts down is responsible for reasoning and problem solving. This leaves 51% of a message to be interpreted through non-verbal communication, which in itself can be misleading and dangerous. Non-verbal communication can lead to the biggest misunderstandings. This is because when we are non-verbal the person we are talking to only has our actions and sometimes facial expressions to go off of. The person can misinterpret our actions or expressions as “I’ve made them angrier.” We need to be careful with our expressions and our actions.

    Consensus is coming to a shared agreement. Consensus is different from a compromise. A compromise is focused on one person getting as close to what they want individually instead of what’s better for the couple as a whole. When a couple come to a consensus they are in agreement with each other on a specific course of action or decision. They are focused on what will be best for them as a couple. Communication is important to all relationships. How one communicates is the most important. Remember to listen before you speak, use an effective tone of voice, and in this case your actions do speak louder than words. 

Stress: The reason for it, good and bad

   Stress, one of the perks of being alive. Stress is something we all have, if we don’t have it that means we are dead. We all see stress in different ways. One thing is sure, it is a part of our lives, part of being human. What is stress though? What is the true definition of stress? Stress is a strain or tension. This week in class we discussed the different things in our lives that cause stress. Personally, for me I have college stress, one of the many joys of being a student. I’m always worrying about a paper, when to do a certain homework assignment, and how much I can get done in one night before I call it quits.

   

   In class we focused on what causes individual stress besides school. One answer is family stress. We all have some level of family stress. Many factors play into family stress. The stress of moving, of money, any number of situations can cause stress in the family. So how does one handle family stress effectively? One way to handle stress effectively is to focus on individual stress first and how to better improve yourself.

 It is important to understand, stress is a necessary thing for the structure of the individual. When a person is put in a stressful situation it is how that person handles and perceives the situation that is the most important.

     

    A researcher by the last name of Hill talked about the ABC’s of dealing with stressful situations. “A” is the actual event. What is the event that is causing the stress or strain? “B” is both the resources and responses to the event. How are you going to respond to this event taking place in your life? Once you figure how you’re going to respond your response effects what resources are going to be used. Resources include family, church, and friends, anything else you can think of to help during this time.

   Why are having those types of resources important? When your family is going through a stressful time it can be extremely helpful to lean on family, friends, or church for support. These options help provide not just physical needs depending on the situation, but they can also provide emotional support and stability. While the family is going through what they are, they might not have time to process things emotionally. It is important the family stop and take time to do just that. When the family has the right resources they can turn to the right people for emotional support. They then can turn to each other.

   How a person responds to the situation is equally crucial. When one responds negatively, they won’t think clearly, and effect the whole family. “C” in the model is cognition. How one defines the event. At the end one will have the total experience of the event. Trials are a part of life. How we respond and react to them shapes who we are and how we handle them collectively as a family.

   

   Anxiety and depression. Two different things, with different definition. Anxiety is natural and normal. It is the perception of danger. It is a healthy response to the perception of danger. Depression is a natural, normal and healthy response to a perception of danger where there is no escape. Panic attacks, often called anxiety attacks is the response to a false alarm of danger. Perception is key. How we perceive a danger or situation determines how one reacts. One person may see an event that happened as stressful as all get out, another may not see it as nothing at all. What’s the difference? How the two individuals see or perceive the event.

   Stress is also linked to the development of the person. People who have it too easy do not develop. When we are faced with stress it helps our brains develop because we are thinking of ways to solve the thing that is causing us stress. When we don’t have this that part of our brain slows. The frontal lobe takes up 38% of the brain. This part of the brain is in charge of problem solving and creativity. Stress is a natural part of life. We can learn from the things that cause us stress. We are put on this earth to learn, and what we learn about ourselves and about others can be helpful to others. Remember to take care of yourself, and that stress is a good thing. It is how we perceive or see the thing giving us stress that determines if it really is stressful.  

Intimacy: Sacred and Pure

     I am now a little more than half way done with this semester. I’ve enjoyed all the topics we have discussed in my family class. Some of the topics have been harder than others to write about. This week is particularly hard for me because I’m not quite sure how to go about it. Over the last few weeks I’ve talked about the joy of dating and sacredness of marriage. I was able to share my views on a happy fulfilling marriage looks like to me with ease because it is something I care about and can’t wait for.

  

    This week’s topic however, is uncomfortable because it is about marital intimacy. “The talk” is the one subject we as humans tend to shy away from. Why is this? As parents it can be hard to have that talk with your children. It does not get easier as it goes.

   

   There are different ways to approach this topic with your kids. I personally haven’t had “the talk” with my parents straight out. My father has asked my mom why she hasn’t given me the talk, this was when I was eighteen. Mom explained to dad that I wasn’t oblivious, and that if, and when she does have questions she will ask me. Well I have never asked her, yet.

   

   One way to explain intimacy is by telling your child that there are different ways of being intimate with someone. One way to be intimate is by talking to each other. Communication is key to any relationship. Through communication a couple will learn more about each other and what they are comfortable with when it comes to being physically intimate. Sometimes talking to each other is the best form of intimacy. When a couple talks to each other they are able to talk about anything, if not now then over time. The more conversations had the less confusion there is about who is comfortable with what. Marital intimacy is a certain kind of being intimate and should only be with the one you are married to. Why is this important? We as members of the church view our bodies as sacred gifts from God, a gift to be treasured.

   

   Parents love their children. They love what they can and will become. It is crucial the child understands their worth, to their parents, and to others who love them. One should also try to understand just because they are married does not make everything that goes on behind closed doors ok. Spouses should not demean each other’s dignity, those who do will not stand spotless before God. The intimacy shared between husband and wife is sacred and can be spiritual as well.

   

   Children are a blessing given to us by the Lord. How those children come into the world is equally important as the family they come into. Parents, the most important job you will have in this life besides bringing children into the world, is teaching your children well. It is the responsibility of parents to teach their children what they need to know for life before the world teaches them. The world will teach kids what is acceptable in the world’s eyes. It is the duty of parents to teach first and let the children learn from example.

   

   Children learn best when taught by parents. They learn that marriage and all that entitles is a sacred and pure act. The experiences a married couple go through should only be between husband and wife. Parents, treasure your children. Children, value your parents. They will be your best teachers. They love you beyond words. They will do anything and everything for you. When it is time to have “the talk” listen. It is better to be embarrassed by your parents than by the world and society.

Marriage and Children

   The joys of marriage is the goal of all of us. We all hope and dream of finding “the one” to spend our lives with. How do we get there? Throughout the past few weeks we have covered the four steps of a relationship. The four steps are: Dating, courtship, engagement, and marriage. In my last post I talked about the joy of dating. Now I’d love to touch on the other three.

   

   Courtship is a very old term. This is the period of time when a couple is dating to see if they are ready for marriage. During this time they learn more about each other on a deeper level. The engagement period is when the couple have made commitments to each other before marriage. It is important to know and remember the couple have made individual commitments as well as a joint commitment.

  

   The engagement period is a very special time because it allows the a couple a chance to grow closer together as they plan the wedding. This also a time to make decisions together and see how well the couple is able to do so. It is also great practice for making future decisions. While it is great to have family be part of the wedding they should not necessarily be part of the planning. As I have already mentioned during the engagement is a great time to practice making decisions together. Families need to remember that it is the couple’s wedding. The couple can turn to the family every once in a while if they absolutely need to. When a couple plans things together it creates an inter dependency between the spouses, making their bond stronger as the planning and marriage progress.

   

  The average wedding now costs $32,000. This is astonishing to me. Research has shown couples who spend more on the engagement ring and the wedding itself are more likely to get a divorce than those who spend less. The wedding day is the happiest day for girls. The happiest day however, should not cost an arm and a leg. It is completely possible to have just as special a day for a whole lot less. Why are couples who spend more on a ring and wedding more likely to get a divorce? The amount of money spent creates expectations throughout the rest of the marriage, when those expectations aren’t met the marriage can begin to wobble.

   

   We are counseled in the scriptures to leave mother and father and cleave unto our spouses. Marriage is a wonderful time in life. It is the time to grow together and start our own families. Children are blessing given to us by the Lord. It is the duty and privilege for parents to raise children. They are to raise them in love and righteousness, to do the best they can.

  

   Children are, and can be a hand full. When a couple has their first child the marriage roles shift.  Husband and wife are now also mother and father. The dynamic of their lives changes too. A mother work is now increased to sixty hours because of that child. Taking care of a baby is extremely tiring, but rewarding. I’ve only taken care of my niece and nephew for a few hours and was tired from entertaining them. I have so much admiration and respect for my sister in-law who does it every day. While a new baby, and children in general are time consuming it is important for the parents to make time for themselves. New husbands seem to take longer to adjust because the mother’s attention has shifted. The birth of the first child sees a decrease in marital satisfaction. This trend continues as more children come. How can this be helped so satisfaction doesn’t decrease? Spouses should set a time for themselves to reconnect with each other. Maintaining a happy, loving marriage is the most important thing a husband and wife can do, together and with their children. 

The Joy of Dating

   When one thinks of the word date, what comes into their head? When I think of the word date I think of doing something fun with someone. A date is that opportunity to get to know someone better, while trying something new. I love that aspect of dating. I get to try something new. I’ve only been on a handful of dates while in college. Some of the dates are more memorable than others, but all of them are memorable for one reason or another. One of my favorite dates was the chance to go rock climbing. I learned that rock climbing can be fun and not so scary. This date also taught me that with the right person I can do things I never would. I loved that date because he pushed me to succeed, and I did. My arms hurt afterwards, but it was a good hurt, and a reminder that I did accomplish something new.

   

    This week in class I learned a new perspective on dating. In class we drew a lot from Elder Oaks talk on what constitutes a date. According to Elder Oaks, with the help of his granddaughter he describes a date as something that is planned, paid for, and paired off. What does this mean? When a date is planned it means that there is some activity set in place for the two people to do. It is important to know and remember, a planned date does not have to be a big event. While it is important to have an idea on what to do for the date, it is equally important to plan something to get to know the person. Some of my favorite dates were always the simple ones, ones we had a chance to talk and laugh.

   

   While in class we compared the concept of planned, paid for, and paired off with the proclamation. In the proclamation it is the responsibility of the father to preside, provide, and protect his family. These teachings are related. While on a date the man is responsible for the woman. This is, in a way the man protecting the woman while they are paired off with each other. They are responsible for each other, while together.

   

   Planning the date can be both scary and exciting. When a guy is planning the date he is practicing his ability to preside over an event. This skill will become even more important when having a family. It is the responsibility of the husband to lead family home evening. If he practices his skills now they will be perfected as time goes on. Paying for a date can be the scariest, besides asking the girl out. Paying for a date shows the man’s willingness to do it. This concept can be related to providing. Providing is just as important as the other two points of Elder Oaks talk. When the man provides the things for the date it shows the girl what he is capable of doing for us. We women should reciprocate in kind, the way we know how. Our responsibility is to nurture.

  

   We are to nurture our families and those around us. In the process of dating, when we nurture the man he is more likely to try. When we acknowledge he has done a great job with what he has we boost his confidence. Dating is a process. It is a trial of give and take. We are to give the support we can, and we are to take the support when offered. The last topic discussed in class was the different types of love. There are three types I’d love to focus on. The first type of love is called Eros. Eros is passionate love.

  

   This kind of love I feel is the first one we all experience or will experience in the beginning stages of a relationship. The word Eros is Greek in origin and is where we get the word erotic. However, if a relationship is filled with nothing but Eros it can burn out quickly. The other type of love is Philia. This is brotherly love. This kind of love a person feels towards roommates or really close friends.  The third type of love is Storge love. This love is the love that exists between a parent and child. The love between a parent and child is a very special kind of love. No matter what the child does or will do a parent will love them. There is a special bond between parent and child that cannot be broken.

  

   All three types of love are important in their own way. They are just as important together as they are apart. There is someone for everyone. I know for me personally, I will get married. I will find my eternal companion. He will be my best friend, my partner, and helper in raising my children. We must all go through the ups and downs of dating. Let us remember to have fun going on dates. As we do we will learn a little more about ourselves, the person we are with, and the person we are meant to be with.

The brain:The ways of men and women

I loved this week’s discussion on gender roles and behaviors. We were able to talk about a lot of different things given the time we have in class. I loved having to think of ways guys are different from girls besides the usual answers. As I was writing down my differences I had to stop and really think before I wrote something down. In the times we live in today what makes girls and guys different can be argued more so then they used to be. One of my answers was brain process. We naturally think differently than our counter parts. It was great to see why men have certain behaviors and to remember they have their strong points as well. It is why Heavenly Father made man and woman. We need each other to balance each other out and complete each other. Yes, I know it’s corny but it is also true.

    

   Another topic I enjoyed was the subject of what constitutes a person as a tomboy. My mother is a tomboy. I love my mother and I love what she can do, and has done for me. It was interesting to me to learn how and what makes a tomboy. It happens early in development. One question I’ve often asked both my parents was if they were upset that I was a girly girl. I would often ask them did they want another tomboy. They always gave the same answer: “No, it’s nice to have a girly girl we can spoil and live vicariously through.” This answer always made me feel better about myself and who I was. This discussion also helped me understand why my dad thinks the way he does. I know now it’s because of what is in the brain. I don’t have to accept the answer “He’s daddy, you know how daddy is.”

    

   We also talked about behaviors that are “sex type tendencies”. In class we discussed male and female tendencies. Women tend to be more expressive with their feelings. They lean toward more social playing, playing with others, and because they tend to play with others they are more likely to be cooperative. We also tend to think of things in a relationship kind of way. Men tend to be more aggressive with their feelings. They see almost everything as a competition, and tend to have more special orientation.

     

   Spatial orientation is the ability to maintain a sense of direction with a surrounding area. A test was done some years ago to see men and women’s thinking pattern at certain times. One test had the men follow directions to get from one place to the other. The men were blind-folded and told which way to go by a tap on the shoulder. When the test was done the men were given a map and asked how to get to a certain point on the map. The men passed. This same test was given to the women, who unfortunately didn’t do so well. Another test was given, this time to see if men and women remember details. Women were placed in a cluttered room for a few minutes then taken out. They were asked if they could remember anything that was in that room. The women could remember almost everything and gave great details of where everything was in relation to other things in the room. The men were given the same test and sadly didn’t do so well this time. So why is this?

  

   Scientist who study the brain have seen that men and women have different amounts of brain matter. Men have more gray matter. This part of the brain is responsible for cataloging and compartmentalizing. It is why we say men have “one track brains.” Women have more white matter. This is the part of the brain that is able to focus on more than one thing. It is often why women multi-task better than men. They are also able to think of everything in relation to another. An example would be: When my first child does this, it upsets my second child, which will then upset this part of the house. I loved this week’s class. I was able to learn something new that day and get some of my own answers on the male and female brain. It was a great reminder to me that “ALL HUMAN BEINGS—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.”

Family: Culture and tradition

   When we think of the word culture we think of a specific country and the practices of that country. What is culture? Culture is defined as the behaviors and beliefs characteristic of a particular ethnic, or social group. Since the beginning of time human beings have had a need to belong. We want to belong. The whole world is made of people of different ethnicities, values, and beliefs. These factors make up who we are. However, no one culture, and people are the same, neither is one culture or people right above others. People are shaped by the experiences they face and what is around them. This is especially true for us as Americans. America was shaped by Britain.

  

  In early history England was the mighty seat of power for many countries. These countries adopted British behaviors and values, while maintaining a sense of their own identity. Over time countries gained a sense of independence. They started seeing their culture as the best and only way to do things. This is not true. One should take into account just because one solution worked for one country does not mean it will work for another. The ability for countries to face challenges their own way is also part of the identity and culture of a country. We all have agency. We all have the power to choose for ourselves what we will do, countries are no different. It is not our place, or right to impose specific ways of thinking, values, and beliefs on a country. When we do this we are taking a country’s identity away, and ultimately its culture. Diversity makes this world an interesting place to live. No one country is right or wrong, but each has their own rights as a country. Different cultures makeup the world.

  This idea of different cultures can also be applied to the family. Each family has their own set of behaviors, beliefs, and values. In class this week I learned the meaning and difference between tradition and ritual. A ritual is something that is done on a day to day basis, or at a specific time of year. My personal examples of rituals include mom’s macaroni and cheese at Christmas, and in what order my family arrives for Christmas. Tradition is something that is handed down from one generation to another. Popular examples of tradition include beliefs, stories and legends, and customs. Traditions can also apply to the family because without stories being told or customs to hand down who will keep them alive from generation to generation? We also discussed the immigration of Latino families and the costs and effects it has on them. According to the Pew research center six million undocumented Latinos live in the United States. 1.7 million Of them were under eighteen. The center wanted an in-depth look into the effects coming to the U.S. has on families, to learn more please read this article. https://byui.brightspace.com/content/enforced/287582-Campus.2017.Fall.FAML160/FAML%20160%2001%2c%2014/Lesson%2003-%20Social%20Class%20%26%20Cultural%20Diversity/The%20Costs%20of%20Getting%20Ahead%2c%20from%20Smith%2c%20et%20al.pdf?_&d2lSessionVal=JbRGBprq6ZL85EOfCklIWYb3W

The Family Roles

   This week in my family class we discussed the rules and roles of the family. In The Family: A Proclamation to the World, it reads: “HUSBAND AND WIFE have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.”

   

    These paragraphs in the Proclamation outline the roles of mothers and fathers. They are to love their children and teach them well. In the family different systems and patterns emerge. There a four main systems in the family: System Theory, Exchange Theory, Symbolic Interaction, and Conflict Theory. System theory is the theory of the family working to accomplish goals. This theory works best when there are rules and roles. Exchange theory is the theory that focuses on doing something to get something out of it. Symbolic theory focuses on non-verbal communication. The final theory is conflict theory. This theory uses power to gain influence. Each of these theories is effective in one family or another, sometimes more than one theory can work.

   

   An example of systems theory is everyone in the family working together to get somewhere on time. An example of exchange theory could be if you do the dishes this time, you won’t have to do them again for another week. An example of symbolic interaction can be when mom gives “the look.” When we see this look we know to obey whatever, mom says. An example of conflict theory is the older sibling using its power to influence the younger ones. As we have already discussed the family is the most important unit. It is ordained of God.

   

   In the family each member has a role. They have the role of brother, sister, mother, father, and child. Within these roles are a set of rules. These rules determine how the person in their role behaves. Another topic discussed was the relationship of the family, and each individual’s relationship to others in the family. In class we looked at a concept called family mapping. Family mapping is the process of drawing a map of the family, starting with the parents. Once we establish the type of relationship mom and dad have, we can start mapping the relationship of the children to the parents and each other. This concept is very helpful in seeing the dynamics in the family. As we try to understand the roles and rules of the family we can better understand and accomplish the goals Heavenly Father has for each family.

Family

   The Family: “God gave us families to help us become what he wants us to be. This is how he shares his love, for the family is of God’’. I love this quote because it reminds us why we have families and why they are so important. The family is of God. As human beings we have a basic need/want to belong, to fill this need we have families. The term family is defined as: A primary social group and their offspring. However, as times change we see this definition of family being blurred.

  In our world today, a family can consist of single parents and their children, two people of the same gender and their children, or blended families. When did the family change? I feel to understand this question we must first go back to the beginning. Since the beginning of time families have existed. Families made societies. This is especially true during the “baby boom”. The baby boom took place after WWII, with 3.7 children born to the average family. By the end of the baby boom 77.3 million babies were born in the U.S. and 450 million babies worldwide.

   In 1968 “The Population Bomb” came out. In the book, Dr.Ehrlich argues there are people starving and in some countries there is the problem of over population. He focuses on the ethics of having so many children and the emphases on environmental resources. There is degradation. He asks the question of what kind of world are our children going to live in, and what effect will that have in generations to come? The book influenced common views by having us assume the population will always grow. The book also influenced us to believe that population growth at the rate it was going would be bad. These views are still widespread, as more and more people around the world aren’t having children and the world population is declining.

     A TV special called “The New Economic Reality” takes a look at the effects families are having on the economy, both in the United States and around the world. Three important concepts focused on by the video were Population, Fertility Rates, and Birth Rates. Population is the total number of people living in a region.  Birth Rates is the number of births per 1000 people born in a population during a year. Fertility Rates is the average number of children born over the lifetime of the average mother. Over the last few decades the population has been going up, while the birth and fertility rates have gone down. Why is this?

    The first thing to notice and that the program points out is people are now living longer. This may not seem a big deal, but as people began living longer they had less children to replace them. A whole generation can be gone in a matter of years because people aren’t having kids.

   Other reasons birth and fertility rates are plummeting is families now say they can’t take care of more than one or two children, they don’t see the value in having a big traditional family, and others want to focus on careers. While taking care of children can be expensive, and while it is a good reason not to have a bigger family, it should not be the only reason. In the scriptures we learn that God will provide for every needful thing.

     Careers are important. Careers exists to help us make a living. When it comes to careers let us hope we all find something we want to do for a living otherwise our “careers” become our jobs, something we have to do, not something we want to do. It is important to remember why we have careers: to take care of our families.

   The argument that there is no value in a big traditional family was also addressed in the video. The documentary interviewed a number of people on the street and asked them their opinions on the traditional family. Some of the responses were: Having a big family is not important, it isn’t modern, and we don’t need traditional families anymore, while others are still trying to figure it out. When asked if the family was important in general the answers were different variations of yes. Almost all of them agreed that family is the main support group. Everyone is entitled to their opinions. In my own opinion I think it sad others don’t see the value of families as we see it.

We as members of The Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter-day Saints see families as sacred gifts from God. In The Family: A Proclamation to the World it says: “Marriage is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of his children.” I love my family. I love what they do for me. They, along with Heavenly Father make me the person I’m meant to be.

   When generations pass and these standards, or lack of, standards, become the norm and they lose touch with the ways things used to be. This new way becomes the new norm.

life

My name is LiMing. I am from West Virginia. I'm studying international studies with the hope of being a translator interpreter and journalist. I love my family!!! I'm the youngest of three. One of my favorite things to do with my family is travel to new countries. I also love to read, write, and do karate. I'm excited about this semester because of what I'll learn in my classes and from other people.